My Book

I have recently started re-reading my first book, and I must say, I am surprised that it is taken so seriously. I mean, come on. It was supposed to be a joke. A kind of satire for my other deity friends. I should have known that humans would start taking it seriously. It's not even that good really. Shows how much taste you people have. Idiots.

Stupid "time"

Hola to all of my puny followers, subjects, slaves, and children (legit and not so legit). Because time has no meaning in my kingdom, I often seem to lose track of it and go a "while" without posting. That being said, here's a list of things that I've been busy with...

>Creating new multiverses
>Wrestling bears
>Scoring with teenage whores
>Finishing up my spring semester at college
>Bitch-slapping Satan
>Bitch-slapping your soul
>Maintaining my awesomeness

So, again, sorry about the "time" thing. And by sorry I mean shut up. I will return with more updates to my ever-so-divine blog.

Fundies

You know who really pisses the Almighty off? Fundamentalists. What is an all-powerful being to do with those who allow themselves to be consumed by stupidity? I could use a "natural" disaster, but those are always so messy and not as effective as I would prefer. I know, I'll turn them all gay. Oh wow, no wonder they call me God. I'm full of such perfect ideas. Of course they will still breed because of their denial and stupidity. Nonetheless, it will be funny to see, and maybe a few will kill themselves and each other. Progress takes time, even for me. Well, not always, but in this case I would rather watch and enjoy the suffering at their expense. I am, as they say, a wrathful God.

Lolz

Hello my humble...humans. I have been very busy this semester, so for not updating, I apologize. Many parties and hot bitches have come and gone. Also many painfully hard, and yet painfully easy exams. For I am God. I made a 4.0 in my classes last semester without taking the final exams, or going to class. In December I got into a fist-fight with a royal ass at a party and killed him. I brought him back to life, but as a punishment for challenging me I blew his car up. With his mom in it. More news to come soon or whenever I shall will it.

College

Good day to all who are reading my divine words. Your God has recently decided to finally go to college. I need to attain a higher education than I already have. Who am I kidding? I'm going for the parties and to have thy almighty penis sat upon. I also need a degree, although I do not quite know in what I shall major. Perhaps religious studies? LoLZ. I know it is close to winter break for thy American universities, however, I give much less than a rat's ass. For I am all powerful, and I am now registered for twelve hours of classes under the recently contrived name, Thoth Jones. Let thine party begin.

God and Carlo

And God did enjoy his retirement sipping Carlo Rossi table wine with Carlo Rossi himself in the most glorious parts of heaven. And after they were substantially toasted from the fine and affordable drink that is suited for God, they went to Earth and owned many peoples. Many funnies were made and many houses were burned to the ground. And the people would flee their houses, screaming and flailing whilst God and the wine genius Carlo would laugh and laugh. And they took the form of rabid kangaroos and hopped down suburban streets and sprayed fecal matter and mucus on semi-expensive cars, as well as Hummers. And all was good and happy.

Retirement

I am truly and eternally tired of having to deal with such responsibilities as keeping humanity in working order. Thy human race is beyond worthless and thou shalt be punished by being abandoned by the glory that is ME. Therefore, GOD is indefinately retiring from protector of the human race. Of course I shall still be all powerful because. As I have told thee before, do not bother to pray, it will not help. MY indefinite vacation shall start now. It just started. Just now. Ok. Now...